So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
