I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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