People in love make me want to vomit
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
