The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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