Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
