Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
