shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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