break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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