I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
