All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
