my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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