then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
