i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
