Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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