I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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