Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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