Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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