I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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