Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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