My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
