If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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