Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want her autograph on my taint
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
