I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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