so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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