Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
