they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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