i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
