Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
