Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
