imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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