everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
