I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
