I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
