I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
