Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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