Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
