I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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