I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
