The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
