Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
