Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
