Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
