I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
