I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
