I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
