apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
