i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
