just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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