Sponge bath it is.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
