i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
