The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
